Just checking in on you… have you got the memo yet? It’s fall which means it’s time to let go.

Be like the tree, drop your leaves, trust that you won’t ever miss them or wish that you still had them when you’re shivering in the cold. Rejoice in your bare, naked, lonely and exposed emotions!

Yes, I’m being a little sarcastic there, but I do feel like the relentless LET GO chant of autumn, while well intentioned, doesn’t dig deep enough into the fact that sometimes it is really hard.

It’s true that you need to let go of what’s old to make space for what’s new, no doubt! But for many it’s just not that easy. There’s a reason you’ve hung on for so long.

Last week, I got a full frontal gut punch in my own small letting go experience.

My partner Berk worked hard all summer on a couple of backyard construction projects. He’s finished now so he ordered a dumpster to be placed by our house so he could get rid of all the scraps that have littered our yard for the last 3 months.

Once he cleaned up the backyard, there was still space in the dumpster so he asked me if there were any household items that I’d want to put in there.

The moment the words left his mouth, I felt a constriction in my body. Yes, I had some items from my old yoga studio that needed to be removed and these items ended up in the spare bedroom due to the fact that we didn’t have a dumpster at the time. 

But there was also this other box…

That box held my old marathon and triathlon trophies, awards and plaques. It represented thousands of hours of training, achievement, standing on podiums, losing, crying to my coach and overcoming obstacles. It held the part of my life when I worked the absolute hardest and proved to myself that I could do the impossible.

I gingerly opened the box and pulled out the plaque that was on top. It was from the first time I qualified for the Boston Marathon. In that race I also achieved a second place win at a marathon in Oklahoma at a time I was visiting my brother and, ironically, of all the memorabilia in that container, was the accomplishment I’m most proud of.

I carefully wrapped the glass and bronze showpiece back up in the crinkly paper it had been protected by, put it back, closed the box, and took the whole box upstairs and out to our backyard to add to the pile for the dumpster.

It hurt. I couldn’t believe I was doing it. I was shaking and swallowing back tears but I KNEW. I have new goals to seek now. I have to let that part of me go.

Five minutes later I returned to the backyard and Berk had opened the box and placed a few of the trophies on our patio table. He was glancing at them, then at me, then at them, then at me, his eyes asking, “Are you SURE?”

Another punch in the gut. I knew the universe was testing me. I could have easily said “never mind. I’ll keep those” and all of the wrenching pain I was feeling would immediately go away.

I didn’t say that though. What I said instead was, “I know in my heart and mind that I won all of those awards, I don’t need to keep the metal and glass.”

He nodded, took the box, and threw it in the dumpster.

I’m sharing this story because I want to acknowledge that letting go is hard. And you don’t immediately feel light and wonderful after you take a big step like that. I carried that pain around all day, and I still do as I type this right now.

But what I DO feel good about is that I sent a message right back to the universe: I’m ready for what’s next!

I know you can let go too. You CAN endure the emotional tornado. The storm will pass. With self love, compassion, and letting the feelings flow and move, you too can be ready for what’s next.

And together we’ll ease into winter.