BlaineWilkes

I have two friends who divorced one another over a year ago. I think it’s safe to say that, pre-divorce, they were both fairly similar to me. They cared about their health, ate a plant-heavy diet, exercised consistently, worked hard at jobs that positively impacted people and were fun to be around. The divorce was hard on both of them. Wrenching. Depleting. Exhausting. Soul-crushing. It was catastrophic. Observing what happened next, from the place from where I could see, illuminated the power of the choices that we make, both in and through a crisis. She changed careers and moved to [...]

What kind of a shopper are you? Do you go to the store every day and only have a couple of days of groceries on hand at any time? Or do you do big once-a-week shops? Berk (my partner) and I encompass both. I’m more of a daily shopper and he’s a hardcore Costco shopper. On one of our first dates, back when we were in that get-to-know-each-other phase, I asked him what his favorite thing to do was. His reply? Food shopping. (Seriously, that’s what he said.) I started eating a vegan diet almost 15 years ago. Back then people [...]

Have you ever lost yourself in a relationship? It used to happen to me like clockwork. Whenever I’d get involved with someone new, Blaine as I knew her would disappear. Or so I thought... What I know now is that I entered the relationship already lost. I started straying from myself long before I was old enough to date. Like so many of you, I was conditioned from a young age to hold myself back and give, give, give to ensure the needs of others, especially men, were met before my own. It was my blueprint as a woman. I was [...]

My partner, Berk, is a worrier. His sister is too. Berk and I have a rental property near Sarasota, FL and his sister lives full time nearby. Whenever some kind of weather event is headed that direction, I need to strategically leave the room when they talk on the phone. The conversation starts spinning fast, decorated with worst case scenarios and predictions of total devastation. Worry talk from Berk spills over to me in direct ways too: "Be careful driving…" and "Don’t leave after dark…" and "Don’t run outside…" These types of directives are issued my way every day. Berk [...]

I grew up programmed to live the “American Dream.” Be a good girl… go to college… climb the corporate ladder... buy a comfortable home… save a bunch of money… retire… die. I decided to skip the marriage and kids part though. I think that was a combination of childhood trauma and being too busy trying to be the best ever at all of the things above. [SIDE TANGO] I was at a Zoom meeting last week with a young woman I’m mentoring. She’s in her 20s. She said “You see Blaine, since the pandemic, women have to make this decision. They need [...]

Last week, someone asked me how I liked Anchorage, Alaska from my time working there on a high-stakes corporate project. “I don’t think I can give it a fair assessment,” I replied. “I was so miserable back then.” If you had met 10-years-ago Blaine, I’m not sure you’d recognize her as the same person I am now. Sure, I looked like a 10 years younger me, but my vibe was intense. I was fiercely competitive, relentlessly comparing myself to an impossible standard, managing large teams of people to meet aggressive work deadlines, living in gyms, hotels, boardrooms and bars, pushing myself [...]

It’s Springtime and that means our thoughts turn to cleaning and decluttering our homes, opening our windows and letting in the sun. Do you have a growing pile of mail you've been meaning to get to but  just haven’t yet? Maybe there is a half-started project you're finding difficult to muster up enough energy to complete? Are there negative people in your life who keep bringing you down but you continue to put up with them anyway? I have a guest room downstairs that I wouldn’t allow any guest to actually enter. It’s the dumping ground of every box or [...]

Last Friday, I chatted on Zoom with a woman in North Carolina. A mutual friend introduced us to each other a few weeks ago by email and after a couple of written exchanges, we decided to meet last week. My new friend is a university professor who’s preparing to leave her career and start her second act in life. She’s looking for guidance and advice from someone who has already been walking that path for a few years. I’m always happy to support other women in whatever way I can so this was an easy yes. The meeting was a lovely 30 [...]

We all have a story… When people ask me how I got from a ladder-climbing, part-robot, corporate girl to who I am today, one of the first things I try to explain is what I named "the mean voice in my head." I’ve carried this voice around with me since I was a kid although I don’t remember her as a small child. I think she started bossing me around when I was a pre-teen. I’ve always been competitive and I’m not exactly sure what year my healthy motivation morphed into obsessive perfectionism. It took years of self work to get [...]

I’ve always found my closest friends from taking (or teaching) group movement classes. Three times in my life, I’ve moved to new cities where I didn’t know one single person. Whenever I’d move to a new place, I’d try out several local gyms and studios and decide which ones I liked. Then I’d apply for a job there so I could teach a few classes and get a free membership. When I’d workout or teach, person by person, I’d make new friends and before I knew it, I’d have a local community. I’ve done it so many times, the formula [...]

There are times when I don't want to exercise. I love exercise! But if I’ve been sitting too much and I’m stagnant, it’s really hard to get motivated and moving. I liken this feeling to getting up in the morning. It’s a state change. I have to take myself from a state of sleeping in the dark lying down in stillness to a state of being upright and moving in the light. State changes are hard. Changing from sitting at a computer no-moving girl to workout heart pumping-sweating girl is a big leap. So I have to talk myself into it. When I was younger, my [...]

A fun fact about me that you might not already know is that both of my parents are adopted, only children. That means I’ve never had aunts, uncles, cousins and other relatives like that. It also means I know very little about my genetic code. Today we can undergo genetic testing pretty easily, but when I was a young adult making lifestyle choices, that wasn’t as prevalent as it is now. Luckily, because I’ve been fascinated by health for as long as I can remember, I was exposed to the study of epigenetics early in my life and way before [...]

There’s a crazy story from last May that’s keeps popping up every now and then. Whenever I read it I’m reminded that some people think it’s inappropriate to not drink alcohol at traditional events that have booze, but this tale is extra fun because there’s a bizarre twist with milk. Here’s the scene: There are three sisters. The middle one got sober 4 months before the oldest sister’s wedding. The youngest sister (too young to drink, only 15) was very supportive of her now sober older (middle) sister and packed a special bag of non-alcoholic drinks for her to have at the [...]

I’m confused about trauma. Trauma with a big T, trauma with a little t, ancestral trauma, psychological trauma, complex trauma, societal trauma, chronic trauma… I know trauma is all around me and within me and it’s so big that I just can’t get my arms around it. I never identified as a person with trauma which is super confusing because that’s impossible, right? I know we can’t compare… but when I look at my privileged white girl life, even though I’ve had my share of tough things it’s not even close to the same ballpark as "real" trauma, I mean, it [...]

Yesterday afternoon, I received a call from a friend. She’s got some tough things going on and wanted to talk.This woman, whom I love, has some unique qualities. She tends to take a stand and fight against the policies of the companies whom she works with. Therefore, she often finds herself backed into a corner where she can either fall on her sword over the matter and end the business relationship, or give into the company and not get what she wants.In these battles, she always has a point. Policies are created for the many and there are exceptional situations [...]

Whoa nelly… things have changed a lot over the past couple of years. For me, for you, for everyone we know. My job today is a completely different reality than my little brain could have ever dreamed up back in 2020. Today, I primarily teach online about how to be a thriving, healthy woman over 50 using the vehicles of: Energy (daily energy routines, exercise, yoga, meditation) Drinking less (or no) alcohol Eating more plants (and less animal and highly processed food) Just a few months ago, I owned a brick and mortar yoga studio. My whole life has led me to where [...]

Taking a vacation with someone is a funny thing. I’ve heard it said that before a couple gets married, they should vacation together. If one person envisions their perfect vacation as lying on the beach all day and another as visiting a large city and museum touring the whole trip, there could be a problem. Luckily, Berk and I both like very active vacations. When Berk and I are on a cycling vacation, he’s the planner. He studies the maps, looks at the weather, thinks about the pros and cons of riding this way or that and determines our routes. [...]

Last night, Berk and I went out to dinner in Mallorca. We have a VRBO so we cook dinner in the kitchen at our little house near the beach about half of the time and we go out to dinner the other half. Lunch is often at little cafes we stop at as we’re biking or hiking. As someone who doesn’t drink anymore, I can’t help but notice all of the alcohol consumption around here: breakfast, lunch and dinner. Including daytime drinking by cyclists who are going to get right back on their bike. I grew up in a house [...]

Hi , I'm still in Mallorca (this trip is three weeks long). I’ve received a few messages from people who haven’t heard of Mallorca. It’s a Spanish island in the Mediterranean. Berk and I decided to travel here because we like to take cycling trips together (we first met in a cycling club in Connecticut) and Mallorca is known as a great place for biking. If you’ve ever watched the Tour de France, many of those teams travel here to train every year. Yesterday, we rode our bikes up to a lighthouse on a cliff. On paper, the ride didn’t [...]

If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in the petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive.   ~ Brené Brown Wow! I got a big response from what I wrote about my drinking story. Honestly, I was terrified to send it, but it’s part of my path to show people how to live authentically so I knew I had to do it. Even though I felt fragile and vulnerable. I took my courage even further and put the [...]

I'm back to tell you the last half of my drinking story that I started a couple of days ago - but we know, the story’s really never over, is it? I’m currently in the chapter where I help other women… and who knows what will come next! On with the story… Two days ago, I left off with resistance. You know, that thing where you make a decision that’s good for you but your habits tell you to keep on doing things the same old way you’ve been doing them? That thing. I finally decided I’d quit alcohol, leave my job [...]

Last week, a friend of mine who owns a popular business reached out to me because she wanted to pick my brain about creating a Sober October opportunity for her community. I shared with her that the first time I did Sober October for my yoga studio and sent an email about it, it was the most opened email I’d ever sent. By more than double. Twice as many people opened that email than any other email I’d ever written. That’s hundreds of more people!When I went into my studio to teach later that day, it was all anyone was talking [...]

Sunday night, I flew home from Cleveland where I led morning movement classes and co-presented at Energy Fest. It was an incredible experience, partly because the keynote presentations were mind-blowing and transformative, but also because it was so fun to be in community with others. Especially others who are a little… shall we say willing to be different from what standard American culture expects of us? Or, put more bluntly, Energy Medicine people are wonderfully weird, like me! I love my place on the fringes of society. When I am in groups of women who choose not to eat animals or animal products, [...]

Earlier this week, I sent you an email about journaling where I wrote about how hard it was for me to start and how profoundly the practice has supported me since I started doing it consistently. One day, while I was running and listening to a podcast, I heard a woman talk about writing and how something called Morning Pages opened a new world to her. She went on to describe how Morning Pages are a daily writing practice and the brainchild of Julia Cameron.What you do is write as soon as you get up when you haven’t dropped into your to-do [...]

I love to watch women work through resistance. This includes my own resistance to new things (you know, change) and other people’s resistance too. If there’s ever a time we can rationalize like champions, it’s when we’re resisting something. Recently, I was with a group of women and we were talking about how much we love our Instant Pots. One woman in the group (who we weren’t trying to convince of anything) kept chiming in announcing to us all how she doesn’t need an Instant Pot and all the reasons that she hasn’t bought one and why she doesn’t want [...]

Here’s a teacher moment I’ll never forget... I’d just returned from studying in India and I was excited to teach some new things to my yoga community in Boulder, CO. Among the new techniques was a lesser-known ancient Himalayan practice of meditative movement called Laya. Laya movements are very feminine and designed to balance the more masculine practice that makes up much of how we practice yoga in the West. These movements were completely different from anything I’d ever seen in a yoga class. They’re much like dance; very flowy and internal and intuitive. As a teacher, it’s uncomfortable to [...]

Today is a big day for me. It’s the last day I have my brick-and-mortar yoga studio. The place that has consumed my life for the past 5 years.The new owner and I are meeting this afternoon, I’m showing her some things and dropping my key in her hand.When I walk out and close the door behind me, I can’t just walk into that sacred place, my second home, whenever I want anymore.When that door shuts today, a part of my life is closed forever. And a new door is open.I recently taught an in-person yoga class to 40 people. I [...]

I have a milestone birthday this year.  A birthday with a zero on the end. The exact day isn’t for a few months but I’m already reflecting a little and it’s unbelievable how much I’ve evolved, especially over the last 10 years. It makes me appreciate our capacity and ability to change and, at the same time, reminds me of how many years I spent convincing myself that I couldn’t change.  Other people could change, but not me.  My life circumstances were so “special” that I was just locked into the corporate job life and that’s how it was. That [...]

I’ve told some of you about how things were for me when I first started meditating.  I often describe my experience as a two-year war with meditation (and I also say that just because it took me two years to achieve consistency doesn’t mean it will take others that long). When I think back on that time – the starting and stopping and committing to start over again and failing and being mad at myself and thinking I suck and my brain just won’t do it and I’m so disappointed in my sucky-ness…  When I reflect on all that resistance, I have [...]

Social media… I can’t even describe my relationship with it.  However, as I sit to write about ego, it’s the first thing that arrives in my mind. As an athlete and yoga teacher, ego and I are very good friends.  I’ve spent years working on how fast I can run, obsessing over my place on a race podium (read: how can I defeat others in my quest for the finish line), and examining my body in the mirror to see what I need to change to increase my likelihood of making the podium more of a sure thing. I’ve also [...]