Merriam-Webster’s 2022 word of the year is “gaslighting.” I usually don’t pay attention to official words of the year, but I think this is an interesting one.

Merriam-Webster’s gaslight definition is: to psychologically manipulate (a person) usually over an extended period of time so that the victim questions the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and experiences confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, and doubts their own emotional or mental stability.

Back in 2018, gaslight was Oxford English Dictionary’s runner-up word, so it’s been a contender for a while.

In addition, Oxford English Dictionary’s word of the year is “Goblin mode” which, if you’re unfamiliar with it, means “unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy, slovenly or greedy, typically in a way that rejects social norms or expectations.”

The history of gaslighting is intertwined with women’s history and reaches back to the 1930s.

Back then, the term hysteria was created to describe a mental and physical problem attributed to women because of an affliction in the uterus.

Those who deviated from expected female behavior… you know… not being submissive, obedient and sexually inhibited… were obviously ill.

There was a play in 1938 called Gas Light that was later made into a movie about a lying, abusive husband who, when confronted by his wife, would try to convince her she’s insane.

He’d turn down the gas lights in the house and when she’d say “Why is it so dark in here?” He’d reply, “It’s no darker in here than it’s ever been. See, I told you you’re going crazy.”

This type of abuse is lamentable and relevant in so many ways, but a common gaslight that women experience today is medical gaslighting.

Have you ever sat in front of a medical professional and had that person dismiss your complaints and/or make it obvious that they think the problem is only in your head?

If that hasn’t happened to you, you’re lucky.

If you’re a woman of color, it may be the only medical experience you’ve ever had.

Lose weight. Don’t eat junk food. Stop drinking caffeine. Decrease your stress. For many women, that’s the sound of justifiable medical concerns being jettisoned out the door.

Sometimes we wait because of lack of money or time. Other times we delay because we don’t want to have to beg someone to listen to us or feel like we’re wasting the caregiver’s time.

We also hesitate because we feel embarrassed when our concerns are belittled or downright ignored.

Ladies… men do not have this problem the way that we do.

There’s a known gender bias in healthcare. In fact, a 2018 study revealed that men with chronic pain were described as “brave” and women as “emotional.”

The study also found that doctors were more likely to treat women’s pain as a mental health condition rather than a physical problem.

Girlfriends, we need to support and listen to one another when symptoms arise, help each other find the right practitioner, hound each other to follow through, and become activists for a healthcare system where women aren’t afraid to ask for help or hold back in fear of being embarrassed.

Do you need someone to hear you? Call me. I’ll listen and we’ll find help for you.

In 2022, we were gaslit in goblin mode.