In 2018, I went to India to study spirituality, meditation, and a particular type of energy practice rooted in India thousands of years ago called Kriya.
There, the spiritual master said something that I just did not believe:
“You can’t love someone else more than you love yourself.”
He went on to explain that you can’t give something you don’t have, to which I thought: ok, I get that, but what about all those moms with their babies..?
I pondered this ancient wisdom for a long time. When it came to training others how to be yoga teachers, I sprinkled it in with a light hand.
When I teach Yoga Teacher Trainings, I’ve historically used a book called Eastern Body Western Mind as one of the course texts. It’s a book about ancient teachings that is written through the lens of western psychology.
The author, Anodea Judith, writes:
The most common block of the heart is the absence of self-love. How can we have intimacy with others if we are distanced from our own self? How can we reach out to others when we are drowning in shame and criticism? How can we maintain balance between ourselves and others if we have no balance within? How can we treat another with respect if we treat our own selves abusively?
That really made me think.
I know this to be true: When I hold myself in strict adherence to standards that I’ve created and then wade in self-loathing if I can’t maintain them, I get just as annoyed with someone else who seems to not be sticking to whatever rules I think they should be devoted to.
When I am loving and gentle to myself for doing the best I can, I am also loving and gentle to others for doing the best that they can.
The way I internally think about others is a direct reflection of the way I internally think of myself. Regardless of what I might say to someone else.
If I judge myself harshly, I will judge others harshly too.
So… does that mean that I can’t love others more than I love myself?
Obviously, I’m writing about all this today because it’s Valentine’s Day!
On this day, I invite you to practice loving yourself at least as much as you demonstrate your love for others.
Especially if (like me!) other people annoy you (because maybe you annoy yourself).
It’s possible that if you just love yourself a little more, you actually CAN pour more love onto them.
Everyone wins.
